Who Am I?

Who Am I?
A poem by Dietrich Bonhoeffer (This poem was written in prison, as he awaited a probable death sentence for hiding some men who made an assassination attempt on Adolf Hitler. This young Christian Pastor / Theologian was killed soon after this poem was written.)

Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!

by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
March 4,1946
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Dietrich Bonhoeffer sums life up the Christian life beautifully. At the very same time I am both “The person of faith” and the “woebegone weakling,” who is full of fear. The person stepping out for God no matter what the cost, and the person retreating into his shell. The strange thing is, in God’s view, we are the first person, the person of faith. That is the person “clothed with …the courage, determination and faith of …the Lord Jesus Christ.” Don’t worry about how others see you or even about how you see yourself. Ask God how He see you….You will be surprised. "Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!"
Bob Lipsys, Australia